Using the enneagram to support neurodiversity through connection.
When applied to the context of neurodiversity, the Enneagram helps educators, parents, and professionals understand the nuanced motivations and needs of neurodivergent individuals. By integrating the Enneagram with insights into neurodiversity, we can create environments that honor individuality, foster connection, and support growth for everyone.
Supporting neurodivergent children starts with understanding why
If you’re raising, teaching, or supporting a neurodivergent child, you already know this truth:
behavior is communication.
But what if we could go one step deeper?
What if we could understand why a child reacts the way they do—especially when they’re overwhelmed, dysregulated, or shut down?
That’s where the Enneagram comes in.
The Enneagram isn’t a personality test or a label to box a child into. At its heart, it’s a wisdom tradition—a compassionate map that helps us understand motivation, fear, and what a person needs to feel safe and connected.
And for neurodivergent children, that understanding can change everything.
What is the Enneagram—Really?
The Enneagram describes nine core ways humans experience the world, each shaped by a different underlying motivation.
The Enneagram doesn’t describe behavior—it explains why the behavior happens.
That distinction matters—especially for neurodivergent kids.
Two children can show the same behavior on the outside:
Meltdowns
Withdrawal
Control
Explosive emotions
Avoidance
But the reason underneath may be completely different.
The Enneagram helps us see:
What feels threatening to a child
What helps them regulate
How they move toward stress—and toward security
What kind of support actually lands, instead of escalates
This isn’t about fixing children — It’s about understanding them.
How is it different?
The Enneagram Is Especially Powerful for Neurodivergent Kids
Neurodivergent children often experience the world as louder, faster, and more overwhelming. Their nervous systems are working overtime just to keep up.
Each of the nine Enneagram types have a distinct relationship with connection, safety, and stress. When we overlay that wisdom with neurodivergence, something important becomes clear:
Many neurodivergent children live closer to their stress response—not because something is wrong with them, but because the world asks more of their system.
Understanding a child’s Enneagram type helps adults:
Respond instead of react
Support regulation instead of enforcing compliance
Adjust expectations with compassion
Repair connection faster after rupture
It gives parents and educators a shared language for what’s happening beneath the surface—especially during hard moments.
COMPASSION, NOT CATEGORIES:
Let’s be clear: A clinical diagnosis does not determine an Enneagram type.
And an Enneagram type does not replace a diagnosis.
This work sits in the space between.
It’s about helping adults ask better questions:
What is this child protecting right now?
What feels unsafe in this moment?
What does connection look like for them—not for me?
When we understand motivation, we stop personalizing behavior.
When we stop personalizing behavior, we show up calmer.
When adults are regulated, children feel safer.
That’s the work.
As a neurodivergent mom to three autistic children, I began this work when I first heard it taught that autistic individuals were Type 5s on the Enneagram. Although I could understand the connection for those who didn’t know autistic individuals first-hand, I, myself was not a Type 5, nor were any of my three autistic children.
My WHy:
I believe every neurodivergent child deserves adults who are curious instead of critical.
Adults who know that support looks different depending on the child.
Adults who understand that behavior is never random—it’s meaningful.
The Enneagram gives us a framework to:
See children more clearly
Advocate for them more effectively
Build support systems that actually work
And most importantly—preserve connection
This site exists to equip parents, caregivers, and educators with tools rooted in empathy, wisdom, and real-life application.
Because when we understand why, we can finally change how we support.
Parent Portal
Parenting a neurodivergent child can feel like learning a new language without a dictionary. You know your child is doing their best—but sometimes you don’t know what they need in the moment, or why the same strategy that works for one child completely misses the mark with another.
The tools I’ve created for parents are designed to bring clarity without overwhelm.
Using the Enneagram, we explore:
What motivates your child beneath their behavior
How stress shows up differently depending on their wiring
What helps them feel safe, seen, and regulated
How you can stay grounded when everything feels hard
These resources aren’t about labeling your child or expecting them to “grow out of” who they are. They’re about helping you respond with confidence instead of guesswork—and with compassion instead of self-blame.
When parents understand why a child reacts the way they do, power struggles soften, connection deepens, and everyday moments become less exhausting. This work gives you a lens to interpret behavior through curiosity—and tools you can actually use at home.
MORE COMING SOON
EDUCATOR Portal
Educators supporting neurodivergent students carry a tremendous amount of responsibility—often without enough time, training, or shared frameworks to make sense of what they’re seeing in the classroom.
The Enneagram tools I’ve created for educators are meant to support you, too.
Grounded in Enneagram wisdom and nervous-system awareness, these resources help academic teams:
Understand student behavior through motivation, not defiance
Identify how different students experience stress and safety
Anticipate dysregulation before it escalates
Adjust communication, expectations, and supports with intention
I’ve learned that connection is repaired not by doing more, but by doing what actually matters to the person in front of us. The Enneagram helps educators tailor support in ways that preserve dignity, foster trust, and reduce burnout.
This work offers a common language that bridges teachers, support staff, administrators, and families—so students aren’t misunderstood simply because their needs look different.
MORE COMING SOON
What’s Next?
Learn THE ENNEAGRAM
In order to use the wisdom of the Enneagram to support neurodivergent children, you have to understand the basics. Learn more about the nine types, their motivations, and how they achieve those motivations here.
THe Autistic Nuance
This work is geared to supporting autistic and neurodivergent children. Here is more about how autistics display differently by Enneagram Type, but more importantly, support strategies and accommodations for each.
RESOURCES
If you’re looking for practical tools you can use right away, visit Resources for guides, frameworks, and downloadable supports created specifically for parents and educators of neurodivergent children.